Two Ruddy Ducks and a Partridge on a Par Three

by Clive Agran

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Once described as the worst golfer never to have won a major, Mortimer Merriweather is a complex character with virtually nothing to show for 60 years of golf at the lowest level.

Decades of abject failure to strike the ball properly undoubtedly fuelled his frustration and led ultimately to him venting his ire on individuals, companies and organisations connected with the game of golf in this remarkable series of 100 letters.

The result is this hilarious book of his bizarre, insulting, unsettling and plain mad golfing ideas, all sent to famous hapless recipients, illustrated with occasional cartoons.

‘Clive Agran is golf’s funniest writer.’ – John Hopkins, The Times


11 Black & white illustrations


Sep 07, 2023


About the Author:

Clive Agran is known for his regular contributions to all the top golf magazines in the UK including Today’s Golfer, National Club Golfer, Golf Monthly and Golf News. For several years he had a regular opinion column in Golf Monthly before switching his allegiance to Golf International.

His style is light-hearted and whimsical and his columns are always amusing.

His popularity spread overseas through his regular features in Sports Illustrated and Kingdom in the USA, Golf Digest Middle East and Swing (Singapore). He has also written for,, Golfshake and The World’s Greatest Golf Destinations.

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